Love Letters to the Universe #4: A Self-Indulgent Desire

10 Jan

Dear Universe,

I know what you are thinking; and it’s making me blush. With a title like that, well, what mind wouldn’t go there? But, since this is only the fourth official letter I’ve written to you, I wouldn’t get too naughty (yet), my dear. I am a gentlemen. But, let’s forget provocative titles for a moment and recap what we have covered so far:

  1. Life is a ride, and like any ride, it’s more fun shared.
  2. Life is a mysterious ride. For our own happiness, we must learn to accept the mystery.
  3. Love is the one thing worthy of doing for it’s own sake.


Life is a ride through mystery, and Love is the greatest detective.

That sounds nice, doesn’t it? There’s only one problem. Where do I (and all of the other hairless monkeys) fit into the equation? Why are we here? What do I have to offer the life of such a fathomless and seemingly infinite creature as yourself, great universe?

You’ve been leaving little flirtatious hints for me haven’t you, my saucy minx? I thank you for that.

Last year, on the green cusp between spring and summer I went down to the river. I sat on the leaf sculpted shore of the Connecticut and placed my naked toes into the water. I let my thoughts unravel as I took in the feeling of the coolness upon my feet, the warmth of the sun’s caress on my brow, and the dazzling light show upon the water’s surface.

I thought about the water gathered up here in the reservoir, yet always moving, still. I pondered my relationship to this great body of movement. It accepted my feet into itself, effortlessly. This realization awed me with the sense of the water as the symbol for all things together as one. Was not my body made from this water? Yet, I am here, apart from the water. I am separate, or have been gifted the illusion of separation. The water is whole. How can I be one with the water and yet separate from it?

I imagined myself as I have most enjoyed the water. I have been known for taking a canoe out upon the surface of the water. My canoe is carried by the river. My life is liberated from the shores because I am surrounded by that mystical and glimmering incandescence. My life is the canoe upon the water, and my journey over the water is time. I imagined myself rising out of this depth, whole and complete in a canoe. I marvel at the light and the space and the rising and falling rhythms of the river. I may delight in the sound of a loon, or wave at other wayfarers on the water. Eventually, I will die, and sink back into the fullness of the flood.

Then it hit me. My separation allows me a vantage point impossible without my awareness. I am the water experiencing itself. A sense of peaceful awe filled me.

I (and all the other hairless monkeys) am the universe’s self-indulgent desire to experience itself. Each and every one of us is the eye of the universe looking here and there, marveling, and saying: My, look at that! Isn’t that interesting? Isn’t that beautiful?

Imagine, oh, loveliest of wonders, if all of the hairless monkeys realized this. Would they be disappointed? How could they be when each and every one of them is a manifest of this desire? Each one of them carries that divine spark inside themselves.

Would they be so apt to hurt themselves, to allow themselves to move down the river without taking in the wonder and glory of it all?

And once realized, the hairless monkeys would know that when they look into each other’s eyes they look into their own, for there they will find you, in all your desire and faith that, yes, it is worth it. Every single one of you is worth it.

Am I not a god then, surrounded by other gods? Then reverence would be the norm, peace the unquestioned requirement.

I am not saying that you have not had other things in mind, oh most complicated and ingenious one, but might we hairless monkeys avoid some of the wretched mistakes we make if we knew that each and every one of us grew from this most divine desire?

We have just passed the third anniversary of when one of my friends took her own life. She was a graceful and lovely woman, whose friendship was very dear to my heart. How I wish I could have conveyed to her this understanding: The universe has this one precious opportunity to experience itself as you.

Yet, thinking of anniversaries, I am reminded that in but a few handful of days we celebrate one other holder of said divine spark: Martin Luther King Jr. He and so many other hairless monkeys have witnessed your glory and said: “look here, we are all the same. The kingdom of heaven is at hand.” They allowed their divine sparks to shine so bright, that when we looked upon this brightness we recognized the awareness that was you, beautiful one. Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, Krishna, Lennon and countless others, recording their joy in our hearts, and I thank you, lovely universe, for each and every one of them.

So, I accept with wonder and astonishment the fact that I have grown out of your self-indulgent desire to experience yourself. I promise to endeavor to remember this fact. May it color my every day upon the surface of this shining reservoir called Earth. I will look for that awareness in every soul I meet, and see my own joy and marvel reflected there. Know then, sweetest divinity, that each thing I do is but a token, however childishly crafted or placed, of my eternal appreciation…

…and love,



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